What's on your mind today? - Part 4

[Alex E]

What about when the anxiety is pervasive and there aren't clear triggers? How do you approach situations which always cause anxiety but must be tackled?

It's not always easy but if you've got advice I'm all ears, I've friends who've suffered heavily and I've felt it bad on one week before. Had serious anxiety after a panic attack where I felt dizzy, struggled to read or even to walk down stairs. It sounds ridiculous but I've experienced how it can affect to the point things become a loop between physical and mental ailment, with no escape in sight.

I'm not sure I can help. I think that if you haven't convinced yourself something's possible, it's pretty much impossible to do. From a very young age I accepted that I could change the way I was, and I pretty much dedicate my life to becoming the person I want to be. I've never accepted my fears as a part of me. I remember the first time I went out to a club by myself (which is a total stretch for someone who is very anxious, I wouldn't recommend that as a starting point at all), every fiber in my body was battling my willpower. I wanted to be able to go out to a social place by myself without being so fucking scared. But I got used to it and now I'm enjoying it, because my fear is practically gone (though I still feel it a bit when I step on my bike at 2am, but it dissapears quite quickly now) and I'm free to enjoy the mood of the people around me. Next step is to just have fun with random people (without drinks), but that is another process. But, I want to be able to do it!

A very recent example: Yesterday some guys were working on a piece of sidewalk next to my home, and it was clear some kind of cable was being laid there. I was curious what it was, but I didn't even dare to say "Hey man, what are you making there?" in front of my own house! So I actually hesitantly walked past this guy... And then I mentally kicked myself. Told myself I wasn't going to puss out, I was going to ask this. So I walked back and asked him. Dude was friendly as can be and told me they were improving the internet connection and all that. It was absolutely nothing special but I was scared of asking, and then I got over it and took that step. I felt like a winner after that simple thing. And sure, I've come a long way already so you might just want to start smiling to a stranger or whatever your anxiety is, take a really small step, but it's definitely worth it.

I mean, I understand it's scary as fuck. But are you really going to let it take the best of you, to a point where you need to take something that takes away your sexual desires? Are you going to use pills, instead of being the person who you want to be? I would never allow that to happen, I fight back against some of the shit that somehow got into my head. I don't accept it, I fight it every day. And to be fair, it feels pretty awesome once you take those little steps as I described above. I was grinning from ear to ear because I didn't let my fears take the best of me. It's a boost of self-esteem like you may have never experienced, and remembering that feeling helps you repeat that process more easily every single time.

So the steps I'd take to conquer it:
- See it for what it is: A construction in your mind. Nothing about you is so open to change as your brain, it's the ultimate short-term evolutionary tool. Convince yourself it's possible to change.
- Remember that the best moment to plant a tree was 20 years ago... The second best time is now. Start your process now, looking back it'll be worth it.
- Be proud because you took action, don't focus on the result. If the guy in the above example would've been an asshole, I'd still tell myself that's his problem, not mine, and that I actually should be proud of myself for daring to ask. Reality is, the result is more than just your action, but your action is what matters for your life and how you experience it.
- Don't accept that fear as a part of you, conquer it step by step and focus on how victorious it felt to conquer it. That feeling of taking another step and being proud of yourself for getting closer to who you want to be, it's a priceless feeling and it'll help you on every next step you take towards your goal.
- Take small steps. Break down your walls piece by piece, crashing into them won't help. Think of the main character in Shawshank Redemption; it took him 20 years or so to get out, but he wanted to and he did it. If he started with "it'll take me too long, I might as well never start", he would have spent his whole life in that prison. Looking back after all those years, I'm sure (if it were real) he would feel it was worth his time from the moment he was free.
- Accept that setbacks happen. When I need to study for a week or so and I barely leave my house, I have a lot of this social fear going on after that. So I meet with friends a lot after that, and go out a lot, to find my "new me" again. Losing your momentum may happen, and it can set you back, but be resilient and keep it up.


Ok so I'm putting stuff on here that nobody knows about me. Please be nice about it, and try to use it in your advantage instead of thinking "nah, that's too hard, that's not me". You'd do me a favor actually, I'm serious about that. Of course it's your own choice and responsibility in the end! But remember that we're all just bags of meat, water, and some other stuff. We're all practically the same. The people who do stuff are nothing more than simply that: The people who do stuff. That's the only way to get results. Be someone who does things, don't be someone who is scared of doing it.



EDIT: Fuck that became a long post But I think it's worth reading if you have such issues.