I was reminded again of why it's great to have a teacher and (former) school IT guy with over 2 decades of experience as a Dad. Apparently he took advantage of an educational discount on a 2-computer, 2-year license for the Adobe CS6 master collection, receiving it for only $12.

So now I have just over 3 grand worth of new software on my computer, and I don't know how to use any of it.