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I've been struggling with my studies. The honeymoon period ("oh, most of the exams are easy, and everything's new and interesting") has been over for some time now. I've come to realize not everything is easy, and if you don't enjoy it - it just gets tougher. I was never into programming, I never even knew what it actually is and how it's done, I just wanted to study that because when you finish it, you've got a job and a good starting salary.
Both myself and my roommate are having similar thoughts, and it's not rare that we talk about what would we do if there was no money involved. Is this because we both didn't pass our exams well, would we feel better if everything was going smooth as silk? I don't know. But this is definitely not something that interests me.
I don't want to be a quitter when something gets tough, but I also don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. Next week I'll try to figure out what's best for me and what should I do.
I think I can really relate to your issues. I've been in a similar spot myself. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you about my experience which I think has been quite similar. Beware though as this will be a long post.Originally Posted by Gagi
After finishing secondary school I had no idea what to study. I was interested in a wide range of topics so I investigated very different studies, law, philosophy, archaeology, physics, artificial intelligence, educational studies, criminology and many more. Honestly I had no idea and decided to not commit myself to anything yet and just take a year off, work a little and then maybe figure out what to do. Didn't help much really, by the end I didn't even care that much as long as I'd be able to finish it and find a decent paying job. That's all I cared about at that point. I then decided to study artificial intelligence for a number of reasons, mostly because I thought it would be quite diverse (branching psychology, philosophy and biology with information technology, programming and more technical stuff (how to build a robot, etc.)) and I was interested in pretty much all those facets (save for language)). Plus I would be able to learn some programming skills which I thought would be really useful in finding a job later. At that point in my life that last part was perhaps my biggest driving factor. My mother often told me to study what I thought was interesting but I personally really wanted job security as well.
Anyway, I started studying and in the first week I realized I wasn't that big a fan. I had to program in this program called 'Prolog' and I hated it, wasn't good at it and didn't receive the help I needed from the university I was studying at (because by helping me they would be giving away answers and I was to be graded every week so instead they gave really obscure hints...). I thought studying would be sort of like paradise, hardly having to go to lectures, having lots of freedom and way more free time than at secondary school. It was in fact the opposite for me and I really just tried to 'survive' those weeks. It was really tiring and depressing me and after a month I quit and decided to spend the rest of the year in the same fashion as the year before. Which, with the mindset I had at that time, wasn't really as great as it sounds!
So then there were two studies I was seriously considering, physics and astronomy on the one hand and philosophy on the other. I have an interest in both disciplines, but I thought physics would be the harder choice, plus I didn't have the mathematical background needed to even apply so I'd have to take care of that as well in the time I had left before college was starting again. I also knew it would mean giving up a lot of free time and studying really hard, but, if I am allowed to trust in the statistics it would give me good job security. On the other hand there was philosophy which I loved in secondary school and just looked so interesting. However it would probably give me a harder time at the job market after graduating. I practised the mathematics I was missing needed for physics by myself in the year I had left to fill and would in the meanwhile think about what to study. I had both a written and oral examination for maths and while the written one went okay, the oral one I completely blew, or so I thought. I had to wait 3+ hours at that location before hearing the results or just go home and wait for 3 weeks and receive the results by mail. I was seriously planning on going home because I knew I failed, it went so bad. But my mother convinced me to stay there and wait and, miraculously, I passed. After that I decided to try physics and astronomy.
Initially it was quite hard. Mostly maths, which is way more advanced than the stuff in secondary school which really is child's play in comparison. My little brother was actually starting his study in the same year, he decided to study business economics and we compared our homework for some of our courses, his was way easier and he didn't nearly have as much lectures as I had, which at the time I thought was a tad unfair given that his study generally results in jobs with better salaries. But there was some satisfaction I found in (natural) science which made it so worthwhile for me. Besides if I studied economics I would probably just bore and depress myself to death, it's really not my thing at all. Anyway, not too far in I was seriously considering quitting once again, I just didn't get it at all and hated this particular course. I also thought the courses were really hard in general. But I hang in there because I didn't want to waste another year. After the first round of exams I passed 4 out of 5 on first try. Not with the best grades but a pass is a pass. In fact the only one I failed was the easiest course in this entire study, which is basic mechanical physics.
Right now I'm in the second year of this study and things are going quite smooth. So smooth in fact that it is starting to get a little boring. Fortunately there are things in life outside my study which I am now really exploring for the first time, which really help in adding some much needed spice. Before I was always only focussing on studying but I finally truly realized how boring that is and how much more life has to offer. But that doesn't really have much to do with your post here I'm guessing.Back to topic, I got another programming course this year (in Python) and, I really loved it! Python is just so much more user friendly in my opinion, and it really allows you to do some really cool stuff. In fact I use it for some of my own spare time projects and regularly use it for other courses. I don't know what languages you have been learning, maybe if you hate programming like I did, you will eventually find a programming language you really like.
The university I'm studying at right now also allows me to follow courses from any other study I like, so I decided to follow some philosophy courses because that still really interests me. I really liked them, but after some time they didn't really satisfy me in the way that physics did. There aren't really answers, no hard foundation or testability like with science. That is one of the reasons why I stopped following those courses, at least for now. I've been thinking a lot about it and I think if I did study Philosophy instead of Physics & Astronomy I would probably be equally interested in the subject matter, but there would always be a part in the back of my head burdening me with the idea that I wouldn't find a well-paying or fulfilling job, at least back then when I cared a lot more about those kind of things. Besides I've really discovered my love for science and physics in particular, you learn so much about the world around us that is very easy to verify, if you want answers I can't think of a better field to find them in.
A few other points: if things are going well, naturally you'll feel better. Failing exams will of course give a very biased view on whether or not you should continue with your current study. But if you truly think it's not for you and you feel miserable whenever you're studying then I think quitting might be the best thing to do. I am incredibly happy I quit my first study, though at the time I was feeling miserable about it (mostly because it meant I had spend 2 years not progressing much while all my friends had found the study that was right for them from the get-go). At the same time I am incredibly happy I hang in there and carried on with my second study. I was really close to quitting once again not too far in the first year. But passing that course which I hated so much and then passing the follow-up I had lost a lot of doubt and gained some more confidence I had made the right choice.
In conclusion you should definitely study something you can at some level be passionate about. I'd say job security and good salaries are not something you should completely disregard, but don't get hung up on them! Money isn't everything and very rarely does life pan out as planned. There are so many opportunities in life, whatever you decide to study, with enough motivation you can probably make it work. Not everything depends on the study you choose, but you will spend a considerable amount of time living with the consequences so I'd say you should really choose what YOU think is best and stop caring about what others think or about being seen as a quitter or whatever. If your study is actively blocking your happiness and you think there is a better alternative, go for it! Is there any other study you had in mind?
Eco complete discography
trance (noun) - a state of ecstasy or mystic absorption so intense as to cause a temporary loss of consciousness at the earthly level
Nooo.....
I was driving this evening and I hit a duck
He didn't survive.
Tried to miss it, but the duck decided to fly into my cars direction
Last edited by Addict-In-Trance; 03-09-2015 at 00:53 AM.
@MrRabbit
I can't thank you enough for what you wrote. I can really relate to it (you'll see below), and it really helps. Seeing that someone else had similar issues in the past, and is quite happy now does give you a nice dose of optimism.
I do have my materialistic side, but there's the other one as well. I'd love to have money, but I'm not sure I won't regret not doing what I love to have much money. So far, I've had my courses in Python and Assembly (I passed the Assembly, but the tests were much easier). Overall, Python is much easier to work with, and Assembly is just raw... Anyways, I'll be having Java and more Python courses in 2nd semester. Programming is pretty raw to me, it's just virtual. You make a program that does something. I don't find it even a fraction amazing or interesting. When you make a program, and it works, it just feels like: "yeah, mmm'kay". But when you discover something, learn about nature, make an experiment, I guess it's just much more fulfilling. It's like when I watch a documentary about the universe, I want to watch more, learn more, I read a lot of articles about it, dig into some theory, but when I watch a tutorial on programming... Not as much interesting.
I find myself often getting bored with something after a while, if it's just video games, or, for example, Python, which looked really interesting because it was all new for me, and now it's not the case. I was kind of hoping that I'd finish the college, go to some music theory, production and sound design courses and that I'll design some VSTs, DAWs or something like that in the future.
Naturally, since I'm here, music is my passion. I love listening to it, I enjoy producing it (although I have a lot to learn and I don't learn it or even produce on a regular basis), I enjoy mixing it and making a DJ set. Other than that, football is my love. I always wanted to be a football player (who didn't?), but it's not something I have the potential of achieving - I'm 20 and not the fittest person alive AND I'm not much talented. Jobs related to football that might interest me are probably a football coach, scout (knowledge based on Football Manager video games), or even maybe a TV commentator.
What's else? Oh yeah. I've been going through some documentaries about the universe, astrophysics in general, and I must say I love it! It's something that really interests and amazes me. But, there's a catch. I went to secondary economics school, and haven't had any physics, biology or even chemistry, basically no natural sciences for 4 years. Even maths was much much easier there. When I was in elementary school, I went on various competitions on municipality level (maths, physics, chemistry, biology) and even swiped up some prizes. Now I regret I wasn't much into those subjects, and I blame my parents for forcing me to go on competitions and not letting me fall in love with the subjects, instead I just hated them all.
There's also history, which I love. Even though it's pretty interesting to me, I don't like learning everything by heart, I like problem-solving more, it's challenging and way more interesting. Also, job security is probably non-existent.
I really don't care what anyone thinks about me, I've stopped doing so recently, I care about how I feel. I don't want to feel like a failure or something, I don't know. I started improving my personal life recently, and I felt amazing, it was only the college that was a low point. Now it's not the same, my parents are constantly nagging, being quiet when I'm around, looking pissed/sad/whatever, constantly asking me why am I not learning/programming, which is only making me feel like a disappointment and is just making the reverse effect on me because of my spite.
On the other hand, doing something that is considered a 'must' isn't as pleasing as doing it in your free time. I don't know what to do. I'm really a complicated person, I know.
Thanks!
When is the dinner?
Wrote a review of a trance release ?
PM me and it might get posted on the frontpage
You friendzoned me for Trance?
I'll message you on here or fb... It's on the Thursday before lumi.... So the 25th!
Ah, we arrive in the morning of 26th
Wrote a review of a trance release ?
PM me and it might get posted on the frontpage
You friendzoned me for Trance?
Waiting for my teacher takes longgggg.....
Happiness is everywhere, but it's never complete...
Sorry to hear about that.Nooo.....
I was driving this evening and I hit a duck
He didn't survive.
Tried to miss it, but the duck decided to fly into my cars direction
@Gagi
If you aren't enthusiastic about programming even when it works, then I really think you should change subjects. Sometimes it takes time though to find a spark so instantly quitting whenever something doesn't interest you also isn't a great course of action. It's tough but ultimately you'll have to make the choice and live with it. If you can live with yourself for making a choice then it doesn't really matter if you regret that choice later. Then you can just accept it and adapt your lifestyle. We humans are a very adaptive species after all.
You have so many choices in life, making one or even multiple 'bad' ones generally shouldn't matter and can even be useful in learning more about yourself and life.
At university you start pretty much at the basis so if you missed things in secondary school it doesn't matter that much I think. It would make things easier, especially if you practised maths a lot but with the right motivation it can definitely be done! I wouldn't see that as a reason not to pursue a study in those areas if you are motivated. Side note, on paper natural sciences are great, simply amazing. In practice it can become quite boring or hard or both, a lot of maths is involved and while the stuff you read in articles or see in documentaries are often mind-blowing and interesting, you'll spend the majority of the time not really dealing with those things. ;p Still I think it's definitely worth a look or consideration. Just don't be afraid to admit to yourself if it turns out to be not for you. However also don't be afraid you're not cut out for it either. Before I started this study I was thinking it might prove too difficult for me and for a while I believed it to be so. But now I am quite confident about my capabilities within this field and hardly ever doubt myself about that any more. I realize it's not for anybody though. It will take effort for sure, but it will probably take effort regardless of what you decide to study.
I used to struggle with feeling like a disappointment or a failure because I didn't know what to study and meanwhile just lived with my parents, living on their expenses mostly. I did get a job eventually which helped in that respect but I hadn't yet convinced myself everything would work out after that and I was still not believing I'd ever find the right field of study. Finding the right study helped in blocking out that part of negative thought.
One of the best choices I made was to move out from my parents and live by myself. It really helped me develop myself on a personal level and not be dragged down by the troubles others were having but completely focus on my own. Of course everybody is different but for me that really was one of the best decisions I've made in my life and in large part helped me conquer all doubts and insecurities I had prior. There are actually a lot of other factors that contributed to this as well but that really provided the right environment.
It's really hard for me to advise because I know from experience that different people look really differently to these kind of issues. I know my own experiences best of course and I can tell you that I am now (nearly) at the place where I want to be, in so many ways. To tell you how that happened would take a REALLY long post and would likely not be that instructive because a lot of it is really personal and will likely not apply to other people. All I can tell you is that in a very short amount of time my mindset has changed completely not too long ago (literally overnight, though the groundwork for that to happen had taken years) and I have been living like that ever since. If you compare my mindset now to a couple of years ago when I was constantly not sure about myself and thinking how I wasn't contributing to society, how I would never find a girlfriend, a good job, etc., it's like the difference between hell and heaven so to speak haha. (comparing it with night and day wouldn't cut it
Remember that at age 20 you are allowed to make mistakes and make bad decisions. You'll learn from them even if that isn't obvious at first sight.Even if things seem bad, like the world and particularly your role in it seem irreparably broken, remember that things will likely get better and you will find a purpose. Don't beat yourself up over it if that hasn't happened yet but treasure any progress you make. And try to put yourself out of the comfort zone every now and then and try new things, they will teach you a lot about yourself, what you like, what you don't like and most importantly who you are and who you want to be. Which in turn might help you in finding the right study. Also talk to people about it. They may give you interesting insights. Just remember that in the end the choice is up to you and you likely know yourself best.
Eco complete discography
trance (noun) - a state of ecstasy or mystic absorption so intense as to cause a temporary loss of consciousness at the earthly level
Gagi (03-10-2015)
@MrRabbit
I will have to think about it real hard before I make a decision, and speak to my parents, friends and all. But in the end, the choice has to be mine. And I suck at making life-altering choices. That's a fact.
Oh yeah, I know, it all may look awesome in documentaries with stunning visuals etc, but I know there's lots of maths and physics involved. In the end, I don't really know what would I really enjoy doing.
Thanks for your words and for sharing your story, it helps. The thing that really makes choices harder is a lot of money wasted for the unsuccessful first year, and I also feel sorry for that. I don't know what else to say, I gotta go to classes now.
Hot weather, sun, beach...
Hensmon (03-10-2015)
...weed
Haha! Too bad for me that I stopped smoking for the time beingenjoy
Yeah its good to have breaks! I was smoke free for 3 months but now just on hash only. Much better than the toxic shit imo
My cat licks my mouth and nose like a maniac everytime i eat something with mint/peppermint. What's that about !?
Old Skool Trance FTW!!!
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