Positive stuff:
I love remixing non-trance tracks myself and turning them into trance/prog tunes. The trance scene can be kind of insular, so it's rare to see that combination of genre styles unless you go out and make it yourself. Some of my favorite vocal trance tracks have that non-conventional vocal rather than the usual "belt out every note-trance diva" thing going on (eg. Human Movement - Love Has Come Again, Tilt/Maria Naylor - Angry Skies) and you've picked a really beautiful track with a nice vocal to remix. I took a listen to the original and it's really haunting!
The production is pretty good. The sub bass does feel a little bit overwhelming to me, but that's easily fixed.
I love your use of shimmer/reverb on the guitar, it creates a nice ambience/pad and fills up the space without being over bearing.
The mix over all sounds pretty clean to my ears.
Some critique:
The percussion sounds a bit off to me. It sounds like something in there has different swing/groove to the rest. The shaker/tamb that's there from the start sounds like it's tripping up over the other percussive elements a bit. Having swing/groove can be difficult to manage once you get north of 135bpm as any elements like this will stand out more. So worth checking on that to make sure you have that continuity in your track.
The arrangement needs some work. You've got this vocal with some really distinct parts, yet I feel the arrangement behind it isn't dynamic enough.
You have this little break at 2:45 before the percussion steps up, but then nothing really changes in terms of the pacing of the track until the next breakdown at 6:20. The track needs more ebb and flow in this part to match the changes in the vocal. Some more subtle build-ups, releases & transitions would really set everything off. Especially if you are hitting the 10 minute mark, you need your track to modulate a bit more.
The breakdown at 6:20 is gorgeous, but I feel that you could have used those pads a bit more in the track, bringing them in gradually a minute or so earlier would not only fill the track a bit during that earlier vocal section, but also give you that build of tension that you can pay off with the breakdown itself.
Just as an additional example, you're probably already familiar with this tune, but just listen to how it subtly ebbs and flows throughout the track. The kick/bass & perc sections are pretty simple, but listen to how the elements are introduced/removed at points when the vocal changes and how the whole track seems to build very gradually with different elements being introduced in each section.
Hope this helps!