Mental health

Halon

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going to a psychologist every week. been great. she is very professional and with a great personality. she also laughs all the time which makes me laugh. :p laughter is the best medicine after all.
 
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leon92

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Well, I went to over 4 different ones plus the ones from work. It's me who has to convince myself. My former boss is an asshole he took my perfect stats with him I got nothing he slept with some of the younger girls. I was laughed at, gas lighted, traumatized, bullied and mocked and people were gossiping behind my back. My bosses were calling me delusional. after I sent an email to the top secretary and the deputy prime minister the people left that entire site a week after I resigned from a permanent role and the most safest job you can get. I live in a country which was used as a prison camp I should not be surprised by the bullying involved.
Sounds like a horrid work place, your boss seems a dick and feels like you are right to leave the place. Your co-workers and your boss should be there to help you thrive, not to bully or mock you (only friendly ofcourse). I hope you found some work which will satisfy you and will treat you like a real person.
 

Gagi

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waking up by sam harris. (not the book, the app).

though its classified as a "meditation" app, the focus is for the most part on Vipassanā

Thank you! Loving the app so far, and Sam Harris is a great guy... Managed to get a year for free.
 

Love Nation

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Hey nice thread! I have ADD, social anxiety, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Was addicted to weed for more than 20 years, but stopped all drugs two years ago. My social workers think, that i have asperger, but i dont think so.

I tried many things, psychology, spirituality and others. But now i found the one and only real thing in the world: Queerfeminism! Its intersectional. Dont try to change yourself. Dont try to adapt to that sick society 'rules'. Instead, start to change that society and adapt it to your needs! Fight and Heal! :)
 

BladeRunner_

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So, my therapist thinks I am depressed and I'll meet him in person in the coming days to give me prescription for antidepressant. Don't know what to expect but I will give it a try. I've got nothing to lose at this point.
 

jetflag

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So, my therapist thinks I am depressed and I'll meet him in person in the coming days to give me prescription for antidepressant. Don't know what to expect but I will give it a try. I've got nothing to lose at this point.
can you describe the symptoms? what is currently manifesting in your body/mind?
 

BladeRunner_

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Physically I'm fine but mentally drained. My biggest gripes are apathy and lethargy. Let's say I'm in the wilderness and sitting in a bush while starving. I'd rather stay there until I die than go and find food. Thats how I feel most of the time. Otherwise feeling foggy, poor short-term memory, can't focus and concentrate, suicidal thoughts cross my mind regularly (I don't thing I'm gonna act on them anytime soon), have some bad OCD tendencies. He told me that this particular medication helps with OCD too. Medication is Remirta (Mirtazapine) - once per day/30mg. He is pretty positive that I'm not going to experience bad side effects.

I suspected that can be depressed but when you hear it from professional adds more weight to it.
Still can't shake this feeling that I'm just laziest and most boring person on the planet and faking it. Like depression is not real.
 
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jetflag

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Physically I'm fine but mentally drained. My biggest gripes are apathy and lethargy. Let's say I'm in the wilderness and sitting in a bush while starving. I'd rather stay there until I die than go and find food. Thats how I feel most of the time. Otherwise feeling foggy, poor short-term memory, can't focus and concentrate, suicidal thoughts cross my mind regularly (I don't thing I'm gonna act on them anytime soon), have some bad OCD tendencies. He told me that this particular medication helps with OCD too. Medication is Remirta (Mirtazapine) - once per day/30mg. He is pretty positive that I'm not going to experience bad side effects.

I suspected that can be depressed but when you hear it from professional adds more weight to it.
Still can't shake this feeling that I'm just laziest and most boring person on the planet and faking it. Like depression is not real.

odd how both of us are diagnosed with depression yet experience totally different symptoms. My symptoms mainly manifest in intense, constant grief, physical pain and energy loss and not being able to appriciate mundaine things like....beautifull colors or music anymore, Whilst yours seems to be far more related to self-image and (future) goals/plans related to your existence. so basicaly more of a "whats the point of it all" esq exisitential crisis, As opposed to my more maslowian crisis.
 

dmgtz96

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^ I had a bit of both during my 1st year of college. It was more like BladeRunner's, but I would occasionally sleep very little just to feel no emotions at all (wouldn't recommend if you need to work or drive somewhere the next morning btw).
When I felt *really* down, as in "I cannot be friends with anyone from here," that's when I felt something weird in my stomach, like an acid reflux. I have never felt it ever since I got out of that hole, but it took a herculean effort.
 

Gagi

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Since we're sharing, I had something a couple of years back, and it happened all at once. Suddenly, in my mind appeared a swarm of anger, disappointment, feeling like being under the spotlight but not delivering, and it was all directed at myself. A constant stream of incredibly negative and self-criticizing thoughts, which never happened to me in that intensity. Imagine a scene from a US Army movie where the sergeant just constantly yells at a candidate, well it was just internal and very, very personal (since I know myself well).

Was so bad, I was at a brother's wedding, going out a couple of times to catch some air didn't help. Externally I was great, had some laughs with my sisters, I was dressed well, had a nice dinner etc. Had a couple of beers and only then did it all go away. That finally allowed me to fully relax and let go of negative thoughts, so much so that I was almost a new man after 1 or 2.

Looking back, I know why I had these thoughts, but I'll keep that to myself. This also came after a period of high stress (college), and successfully overcoming it, and also after learning more about myself through various books (such as 12 Rules for Life, which, at some point while reading, significantly made my heart rate go up).

For an entire month after that, I had constant headaches (which I usually don't have without a good reason). I had no motivation to do anything, let alone get up, but I tried my best to keep up my routine, which included going to the gym 3 times a week, setting an alarm clock early every single day, visiting my family, working on projects etc. And as suddenly as it started, it cleared away just as suddenly. Went to an employment fair, learned about some opportunities, saw potential, saw a bright future, and had a pretty nice period after that. Go figure.
 

dmgtz96

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Since we're sharing, I had something a couple of years back, and it happened all at once. Suddenly, in my mind appeared a swarm of anger, disappointment, feeling like being under the spotlight but not delivering, and it was all directed at myself. A constant stream of incredibly negative and self-criticizing thoughts, which never happened to me in that intensity. Imagine a scene from a US Army movie where the sergeant just constantly yells at a candidate, well it was just internal and very, very personal (since I know myself well).

Was so bad, I was at a brother's wedding, going out a couple of times to catch some air didn't help. Externally I was great, had some laughs with my sisters, I was dressed well, had a nice dinner etc. Had a couple of beers and only then did it all go away. That finally allowed me to fully relax and let go of negative thoughts, so much so that I was almost a new man after 1 or 2.

Looking back, I know why I had these thoughts, but I'll keep that to myself. This also came after a period of high stress (college), and successfully overcoming it, and also after learning more about myself through various books (such as 12 Rules for Life, which, at some point while reading, significantly made my heart rate go up).

For an entire month after that, I had constant headaches (which I usually don't have without a good reason). I had no motivation to do anything, let alone get up, but I tried my best to keep up my routine, which included going to the gym 3 times a week, setting an alarm clock early every single day, visiting my family, working on projects etc. And as suddenly as it started, it cleared away just as suddenly. Went to an employment fair, learned about some opportunities, saw potential, saw a bright future, and had a pretty nice period after that. Go figure.

For real.
In my case, the worst period also happened when I didn't know what my major was going to be. I was on the verge of leaving the school of engineering to study something else (economics), as I had dropped a chemistry course. Took time off, got that credit elsewhere, and got back on track. Gym and maintaining a schedule helped me get out of the hole, too.
What you said about your brother's wedding is spot-on. Depression sometimes isn't obvious - you can seem perfectly sociable and fine, but internally you're scarred and just one inch away from breaking down.
 
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jetflag

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another thing that, at least for me, seems to cancel-out a lot of the mental angst is taking on voluntairy responsibility up to the point where the stress/axiety curve bends the other way a180 degrees.

couple of things I took on for example are:
- financial responsibiliy..The country I live in has plenty of systems that would, by all relevant metrics, give me fair access via my psych/doctor to government funds that would allow me to basically do nothing all day and still be able to support my familty in terms of a roof/food/cloths/schooling etc. Instead I cancelled the benefits i could claim and basically work a 45 hour normal work week, and a 10 hour own business on the side.
- work responsibility: basically taking on tasks that are above my paygrade.
- having a child. This forces up so much time/ physical fatigue/sleep deprevation that I can't even think about the problems related to my depression for longer then a couple of seconds.
etc.

its a bit hitting your big toe with a hammer to eleviate the pain you feel from say a hernia, but from one depression patient to the next i can tell you that i'd rather set myself on fire then experience what i feel when down in the preverbial basement of my mind.
 
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Gagi

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Started watching Louie... Season 1, I think opening scene (until 1:45)... This video hit hard. Sensing a depression on the rise.


And it's always about the same thing... Just today I got angry over a single sentence I was told (which I usually disregard in a casual manner), and the fact I got angry made me realize why I was angry and that I really do have to be more angry and less casual. And then this video came, which kinda made me look at myself from the outside.


In a weird sense I'm almost looking forward to it. I kinda feel I need to feel bad, both in terms of me deserving it and it actually being a helpful thing.
 

dmgtz96

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Physically I'm fine but mentally drained. My biggest gripes are apathy and lethargy. Let's say I'm in the wilderness and sitting in a bush while starving. I'd rather stay there until I die than go and find food. Thats how I feel most of the time. Otherwise feeling foggy, poor short-term memory, can't focus and concentrate, suicidal thoughts cross my mind regularly (I don't thing I'm gonna act on them anytime soon), have some bad OCD tendencies. He told me that this particular medication helps with OCD too. Medication is Remirta (Mirtazapine) - once per day/30mg. He is pretty positive that I'm not going to experience bad side effects.

I suspected that can be depressed but when you hear it from professional adds more weight to it.
Still can't shake this feeling that I'm just laziest and most boring person on the planet and faking it. Like depression is not real.
How did this turn out?
Depression meds take a while to kick in, are you feeling differently now?
 

BladeRunner_

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Did nothing for me. Took it for 2 months and didn't feel major difference. Made me emotionless, anxiety was in check and that's it...so we decided to stop taking it. Expected a lot worse though... read some horrible stories about depression meds. Overall I'm glad that I'm off it. Don't think that meds are the answer in my case. For some time my therapist proposing me to volunteer and I should finally accept it (He want to see me how I react in more social setting). I need to give him something more to work on. As Jetlag said in his last post about taking more responsibility and face my fears head-on.

Lately watched some videos on ADHD

I can trace some ADHD symptoms since my childhood - let's say I'm doing math and If I don't come up with a solution immediately I'm getting agitated, distracted and frustrated. Definitely having problems with executive functioning. Asked my therapist about ADHD yesterday and he completely disregard it. He thinks that all my worries and troubles stem from generalized anxiety, social anxiety and low self-esteem.

Still curious to see how I would react on Adderall or whatever european equivalent is... but there's zero chance to give me prescription for that :D

 
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dmgtz96

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Did nothing for me. Took it for 2 months and didn't feel major difference. Made me emotionless, anxiety was in check and that's it...so we decided to stop taking it. Expected a lot worse though... read some horrible stories about depression meds. Overall I'm glad that I'm off it. Don't think that meds are the answer in my case. For some time my therapist proposing me to volunteer and I should finally accept it (He want to see me how I react in more social setting). I need to give him something more to work on. As Jetlag said in his last post about taking more responsibility and face my fears head-on.
They did pretty much what they were supposed to do. If your therapist decided to get you off meds, that's probably a good call, though.
Volunteering is good! It lets you meet more people and makes you do things outside the house (instead of video games and scrolling reddit all day, haha). Others are generally grateful to have a volunteer help them out. Does your town have a local Habitat for Humanity chapter? Your city might also have a government office that can set you up with volunteer opportunities for the city. This is how I volunteered at local gyms during high school and during my year off in college.
 
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dmgtz96

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My therapist already gave me the number of some lawyer who does charity for elderly people.
That's awesome. Hopefully you have a good experience with that. Elderly people generally have interesting stories to tell, too.

Let us know how it goes!
 

Progrez

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My mental health has not improved that much. It scares me that I have seen the same over and over again , fearing that I might hit a car and the psychologist I have seen are dumbfounded by it as well and seeing the same number which is 41 everyday and it's annoying me.

This is what the work environment has done to me where I was fed a fantasy and then shown what real life is which is so brutal and awful.
 
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