Halon
Senior Member
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2020
- Messages
- 599
- Thanked
- 234
- Age
- 35
- Location
- Norway, Scandinavia
- Website
- soundcloud.com
Sounds like a horrid work place, your boss seems a dick and feels like you are right to leave the place. Your co-workers and your boss should be there to help you thrive, not to bully or mock you (only friendly ofcourse). I hope you found some work which will satisfy you and will treat you like a real person.Well, I went to over 4 different ones plus the ones from work. It's me who has to convince myself. My former boss is an asshole he took my perfect stats with him I got nothing he slept with some of the younger girls. I was laughed at, gas lighted, traumatized, bullied and mocked and people were gossiping behind my back. My bosses were calling me delusional. after I sent an email to the top secretary and the deputy prime minister the people left that entire site a week after I resigned from a permanent role and the most safest job you can get. I live in a country which was used as a prison camp I should not be surprised by the bullying involved.
waking up by sam harris. (not the book, the app).
though its classified as a "meditation" app, the focus is for the most part on Vipassanā
can you describe the symptoms? what is currently manifesting in your body/mind?So, my therapist thinks I am depressed and I'll meet him in person in the coming days to give me prescription for antidepressant. Don't know what to expect but I will give it a try. I've got nothing to lose at this point.
Physically I'm fine but mentally drained. My biggest gripes are apathy and lethargy. Let's say I'm in the wilderness and sitting in a bush while starving. I'd rather stay there until I die than go and find food. Thats how I feel most of the time. Otherwise feeling foggy, poor short-term memory, can't focus and concentrate, suicidal thoughts cross my mind regularly (I don't thing I'm gonna act on them anytime soon), have some bad OCD tendencies. He told me that this particular medication helps with OCD too. Medication is Remirta (Mirtazapine) - once per day/30mg. He is pretty positive that I'm not going to experience bad side effects.
I suspected that can be depressed but when you hear it from professional adds more weight to it.
Still can't shake this feeling that I'm just laziest and most boring person on the planet and faking it. Like depression is not real.
Since we're sharing, I had something a couple of years back, and it happened all at once. Suddenly, in my mind appeared a swarm of anger, disappointment, feeling like being under the spotlight but not delivering, and it was all directed at myself. A constant stream of incredibly negative and self-criticizing thoughts, which never happened to me in that intensity. Imagine a scene from a US Army movie where the sergeant just constantly yells at a candidate, well it was just internal and very, very personal (since I know myself well).
Was so bad, I was at a brother's wedding, going out a couple of times to catch some air didn't help. Externally I was great, had some laughs with my sisters, I was dressed well, had a nice dinner etc. Had a couple of beers and only then did it all go away. That finally allowed me to fully relax and let go of negative thoughts, so much so that I was almost a new man after 1 or 2.
Looking back, I know why I had these thoughts, but I'll keep that to myself. This also came after a period of high stress (college), and successfully overcoming it, and also after learning more about myself through various books (such as 12 Rules for Life, which, at some point while reading, significantly made my heart rate go up).
For an entire month after that, I had constant headaches (which I usually don't have without a good reason). I had no motivation to do anything, let alone get up, but I tried my best to keep up my routine, which included going to the gym 3 times a week, setting an alarm clock early every single day, visiting my family, working on projects etc. And as suddenly as it started, it cleared away just as suddenly. Went to an employment fair, learned about some opportunities, saw potential, saw a bright future, and had a pretty nice period after that. Go figure.
How did this turn out?Physically I'm fine but mentally drained. My biggest gripes are apathy and lethargy. Let's say I'm in the wilderness and sitting in a bush while starving. I'd rather stay there until I die than go and find food. Thats how I feel most of the time. Otherwise feeling foggy, poor short-term memory, can't focus and concentrate, suicidal thoughts cross my mind regularly (I don't thing I'm gonna act on them anytime soon), have some bad OCD tendencies. He told me that this particular medication helps with OCD too. Medication is Remirta (Mirtazapine) - once per day/30mg. He is pretty positive that I'm not going to experience bad side effects.
I suspected that can be depressed but when you hear it from professional adds more weight to it.
Still can't shake this feeling that I'm just laziest and most boring person on the planet and faking it. Like depression is not real.
They did pretty much what they were supposed to do. If your therapist decided to get you off meds, that's probably a good call, though.Did nothing for me. Took it for 2 months and didn't feel major difference. Made me emotionless, anxiety was in check and that's it...so we decided to stop taking it. Expected a lot worse though... read some horrible stories about depression meds. Overall I'm glad that I'm off it. Don't think that meds are the answer in my case. For some time my therapist proposing me to volunteer and I should finally accept it (He want to see me how I react in more social setting). I need to give him something more to work on. As Jetlag said in his last post about taking more responsibility and face my fears head-on.
That's awesome. Hopefully you have a good experience with that. Elderly people generally have interesting stories to tell, too.My therapist already gave me the number of some lawyer who does charity for elderly people.