I have been diagnosed with essential tremor my hands are intermittently shaking. It's making me realise that this could lead to a number of possible issues for me in the future dementia or parkinson's disease or it could be nothing. I am seeing a neurologist about it. Strange thing no one in my family has had this issue before at all.
Mental health
- Thread starter Archon
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Love Nation
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Was trapped in a narcissistic trauma bond for some time, now have amnesia and got many gray hairs, also a different human image but that already got a bit better. Hope that the withdrawal symptoms wont last for years. On an excessive neverending healing journey now, stopped smoking, becoming vegetarian, doing sports and and yoga and meditation and many other stuff all the time. Also reading everyday about healthiness in every respect, think i will become a holistic health coach one day.
Any other survivors here? Would be good to exchange with each other, send dm
Any other survivors here? Would be good to exchange with each other, send dm
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jetflag
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good to see you back again, happy new year.
great to see that you're picking up healty things to recover and thinking of bringing that forth onto others. Sport and meditation definitly helped me out of my hole. Wholeheartily recommend those.
Another thing I picked up which might be of use to you is cold therapy/wim hoff method. Does wonders for the cardiovascular system and also helps to cope better with pain and stress.
Love Nation
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Thanks, happy new year! Seems really good that wim hoff method, will start doing it!
Yeah man, the previous Department i was working for had a narcissistic tendency and a lot of gaslighting and you become a co-dependent of other people and people really pick on your insecurities.
Love Nation
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Love Nation
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Been meeting with the company's Human Values Manager for a couple of weeks now. I wanted to develop and improve my skills (leadership, management etc.) in order for them to match my (very high) ambitions. Feels so great to say stuff out loud, get them out of your head. A great side effect of this is that we're able to pinpoint some blind spots in my thinking, or wrong opinions I've had of myself, and also pinpoint the areas where I really think I need to improve, and know exactly why. Already very useful! Besides that, I'm positive that this will help me in avoiding burnout or large amounts of stress in general.
jetflag
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'fraid not. I do have some experience with benzo's but always managed to keep the dosis to an absolute minimum as they're highly addictive/ cause car crashed when people fall asleep at the wheel.
Love Nation
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Also took one benzo when my psychosis started, because had just one at home. But am also scared of getting addicted of benzos. Have Quetiapin for the evening, its not bad. Had some panic attacks recently, think i was dissociating. What helped me when it really got serious with the panic attacks, was mindfulness. Did body scan for about 20 minutes. Then panic was over and also my pulse decreased a lot
jetflag
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oh yes, can defo relate, I think i've mentioned this before but Sam Harris, a neuroscientist and pop-philosopher/speaker that I follow has a great App for this, mainly focussing on Vipasna and Metta meditation.
Got me through the worst.
Uplifted
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Some of you might know Amber D, she's been in the scene for a while, releasing on Tidy some years ago, playing hard house & trance on Twitch, etc.
So recently she posted this shocking story on her personal page.
I thought it would be idea good to share it here so you would know there are some crazy people out there.
So recently she posted this shocking story on her personal page.
I thought it would be idea good to share it here so you would know there are some crazy people out there.
I'm feeling ready to talk about what's been happening recently, hopefully this will encourage others to speak up who have been harassed by someone.
Some of you will know that I'd been receiving death threats since early last year. These threats were anonymous as they were being relayed via Crimestoppers. These threats were the worst you can imagine. And they were happening literally every single day for months.
It got that bad that the police stopped telling me about the details.
On one Wednesday afternoon I got a call from one of the officers dealing with the case and she told me another call had come through and it said I was going to be shot outside my house before 6pm. We had armed police at the front of the house that day, and there's still a tag on the house which means if I need to call 999 they will arrive immediately. I actually went live that day, I told my moderators what was happening, gave them my address, barricaded myself in my studio and went live. I told them to ring 999 if anything happened.
My thought process was, if anything was going to happen to me, I'd want it documented and some evidence of the killers recorded.
Other threats included firebombing of my home, acid to be thrown in my face etc. It's been very mentally disturbing.
We still don't know who made these calls, and due to the anonymous nature of Crimestoppers reporting we probably never will.
However, separate to this, I had been receiving hundreds and hundreds of phone calls from an unknown and withheld number. These calls started in November 2021 and only stopped in October 2022 when the person responsible realised we'd found out it was him.
Not only was I getting calls, but so was Tidy, my record label. Tidy's office number was called a number of times, and when answered the person would say things like "Where's Amber, she owes us money, we're going to come and get her". It sounded like they were muffling their voice or using some kind of voice changer.
I was also getting the same disguised voice. I was too afraid to answer the phone myself usually but my driver Ryan answered it once after a gig and he heard them say "where's Amber? There's 4 of us, we're going to come and get her".
Obviously all this along with the constant death threats was a lot to deal with.
It got to the point that I was considering asking Lee to have the children stay at his permanently because I couldn't risk them being hurt or seeing anything happen to me.
Thankfully the police took it all very seriously. Andy, Detective Inspector from the Doncaster police has been absolutely amazing throughout this investigation. One day, we spent 5 hours at the station going through the call logs on my phone as the police felt that the Crimestoppers death threats and the harassment calls might indeed be connected. We painstakingly went through my call logs for the past year, writing out the dates and times of every individual call, hundreds of them.
These calls were sent to telecoms via the police to get some info on where they'd come from. It took 2 months but in August 2022 they'd got the details back and I came into the station again. They had a name. Bahram Nikfar. You might know him as I do, as his artist name, Ilogik.
When they told me who it was I was in a state of disbelief.
I've never had an issue with this person and I only know him through DJing. Why would he do this to me? This is a question that still remains unanswered. I even thought maybe someone took his phone and used that number, but we also discovered his landline had been used to make calls to my phone as well.
It was at this point when we had enough evidence to arrest him and bring him in for questioning.
I remembered at this point that Bahram had messaged me out of the blue one day, so I went back into my old messages from him.
He'd actually asked me if I was okay as he'd seen my post that I'd been getting death threats, offering kind words of support and making sure I was okay… I replied to him and told him I was ok but a bit shook up and how we thought the calls might be from a crazy fan at the time… the last time I'd spoken to him via messenger other than that, was 2016.
Why message me now, out the blue? The harassment calls continued and even ramped up… even after he would have known how badly the death threats were affecting me, which is why the police seemed to think he has something to do with them.
The Tidyland Weekender 2023 lineup was announced in October 2022 and he'd been taken off the lineup by Tidy and it was at this point he realised we must know it was him.
It was only at this point the calls to my phone stopped. I then received an "apology letter" from Bahram and so did Tidy.
In this letter he completely played down everything, saying I shouldn't take it personally because it was just a prank and he does this to loads of his friends.
#1 we were not friends. I only saw him at gigs. Although I always thought highly of him and was pleased to see him out and about, we were not friends.
#2 he only came clean about this once he realised we'd found him out. It was sustained threatening abusive calls for a year. That's not a prank.
The way he brushed this off as being no big deal really got to me the most and worries me that he actually believes it's okay to do this to someone.
Two days later the police arrested him and seized his phone. He was brought in for questioning and interviewed. He was asked about the crimestoppers death threats and said he had nothing at all to do with them. He said he had been calling my phone though, but stopped when he knew I was getting death threats.
That was a lie because we had all the call logs to show AFTER he'd messaged me about the death threats, the calls actually continued throughout the entire year. The call logs were then shown to him, and he then admitted that he'd continued to harass call me after knowing I was getting death threats.
This is why the police have their suspicions it was him regarding the crimestoppers death threats, however this has never been proven.
If it was truly a prank, if you knew someone was getting death threats, you'd surely stop prank calling them…
He was put on bail till 21st January.
The police have ended this enquiry by giving him a conditional caution.
The reason why he's not going to court is due to lack of evidence to prove harassment with intent to cause fear of violence.
Even though we have separate 3 people at least who had heard him using threatening language towards me, he's admitted harassment, so in the eyes of the law it wouldn't be worth taking this further. GDPR breaches would also happen by checking his call logs in relation to the Crimestoppers calls, so his phone couldn't be used as evidence.
Also this is low priority for the police who are overstretched as it is right now. The calls have all stopped now, he is not allowed to contact me or be anywhere that I will be.
I will be getting some mental health support from Victim Support and also from my university's mental health support system.
I also want to thank Amadeus, Lee and Sam at Tidy for their support throughout this investigation and most of all to Guy who has been my absolute rock.
If anyone else has gone through something like this, please know there's support out there.
I've chosen to name him because I'm sick of hearing about people (women especially) getting treated like this by industry acquaintances, but noone ever seems to actually name these people so they are protected to do it again and again.
I'm not afraid to speak up about this and how it's affected me. If you've been affected by someone you work with I hope this post gives you strength to get it dealt with.
I would ask that you don't retaliate or show hate towards him though, because that would actually stop me and others like me from talking about these things. My intention here is to close this chapter for myself, and to use this experience to help others.
LL&FU
EDIT - For anyone wanting evidence / proof, I've provided it within the comments. Everything is fact, backed up by the police and witnesses. A caution is NOT getting away with it, this is on his record and will come up on DBS checks. To his friends, he needs help, not enabling. None of this has been a "prank". I've been subjected to harassment for nearly a year.
He was not pranking me. He was causing me prolonged distress and alarm, as well as Tidy. If you think his behaviour is acceptable, please never ever speak to me again.
Bobby Summa
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Formerly know as the depression thread on the old forum. I personally loved the discussion there, so share your experiences with depression, bi-polar disorder, anxiety and anything else. We're all here for each other.
Very uplifted to have found this thread on here. Ive only just found it whilst looking for another.
Some of you will know that in my life I experienced around 17 years of schizophrenia. Although diagnosed as mild, I let it take my life away. Just because of certain obscure fears which in a sense ’were’ the part cause of my condition.
The hardest part when I look back, now that the condition rarely effects me, is that between the age of 24 to 40 I missed out on the most important stage of ones life development. The strange thing is, I don’t really and never have got properly depressed. Even when I was ill, it never was a depression. I’ve always had an element of upbeat feeling inside of me, even if not expressed.
- can’t describe it really, but although at times the upbeatness was bloody almost absent. In general i think it told me to never give up hope, and I feel that’s what helped me win.
I now live a life I couldn’t have imagined. With a beautiful wife and wonderful future ahead of us. Im also doing music again, which had been one of my confused fears for so long.
It’s bull what they say about getting married. We have been more devoted since, and a change so incredible has happened in my wife. She was lovely before. Now she’s an actual Angel. She’s just so happy. 🫶
Please, if you ever experience mental health issues or know someone who does. Never give up Hope.
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jetflag
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Happy for you man
. be careful about 1 thing though. Highs, much like lows, always flatten over time. That’s just how that works. Don’t let the flattening of the bliss, so to speak trigger you back to a point of you being back in the basement. Keep enjoying the little things.
Bobby Summa
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Happy for you man
Yeah man, those are important things one should consider.
Luckily in a sense, I still think quite a lot, so like to consider realistic outcomes or likely possibilities in advance. Luckily i don’t (usually) overthink them anymore. But it is sometimes a reasonable way to keep at-least 1 foot on the ground. Which for a massive dreamer like me, does come in handy.
Bobby Summa
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Not so much a cause for mental health concerns but I think a powerful factor in the whole picture for potentially many folk. . - Has anyone here struggled with their spiritual beliefs to the point where it became an un healthy obsession?
Recently ive been letting go of certain attitudes which may have had a spiritual foundation or cause. I always seem in the past to have been drawn to the more obscure perhaps, or esoteric perhaps, spiritual areas. Things I was not bought up with at all, and got into as a teenager. Interestingly the first ever therapist i had talked to me about the dangers of investing yourself powerfully in certain spiritual areas and not getting anything in return - you can get this kind of negative after effect but often not realise it. He I think correctly thought it was a factor in what mental health issues i had in 2002.
I carried on since then believing or at least thinking about lots of esoteric subjects and interestingly began to develop what psyciatrist diagnosed as mild schizophrenia. I had this for many many years and I did not deal with life well during those 15 years or so.
Last few days letting those powerful spiritual confusions has made me feel much more normal. Years after the first therapist i had, i saw another who suggested my obsession or continued thinking about certain spiritual things was a life coping mechanism that i perhaps couldn’t help doing. Both therapists have been correct. I feel my brain and mind are much less over active now im not constantly asking myself or thinking about the huge deep questions and aspects of life. It feels strange tho, but the person i feel now is much more recognisable to me.
Recently ive been letting go of certain attitudes which may have had a spiritual foundation or cause. I always seem in the past to have been drawn to the more obscure perhaps, or esoteric perhaps, spiritual areas. Things I was not bought up with at all, and got into as a teenager. Interestingly the first ever therapist i had talked to me about the dangers of investing yourself powerfully in certain spiritual areas and not getting anything in return - you can get this kind of negative after effect but often not realise it. He I think correctly thought it was a factor in what mental health issues i had in 2002.
I carried on since then believing or at least thinking about lots of esoteric subjects and interestingly began to develop what psyciatrist diagnosed as mild schizophrenia. I had this for many many years and I did not deal with life well during those 15 years or so.
Last few days letting those powerful spiritual confusions has made me feel much more normal. Years after the first therapist i had, i saw another who suggested my obsession or continued thinking about certain spiritual things was a life coping mechanism that i perhaps couldn’t help doing. Both therapists have been correct. I feel my brain and mind are much less over active now im not constantly asking myself or thinking about the huge deep questions and aspects of life. It feels strange tho, but the person i feel now is much more recognisable to me.
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jetflag
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Not to the degree of it being unhealthy, but yes.
what helped me a lot in said “spiritual strive times”. Is meditation.
particulary a practice called vipassana
Progrez
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Vipassana is quite an intensive thing where you have go through 10 days of meditation and nothing but feeling the pain and training your mind to let it go.
Bobby Summa
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In that case i may look it up then. When @jetflag first mentioned it, I was in a Spirituality =
kinda place. I now feel free of the spiritual junk gathered from false prophets / Guru’s, and can, if i choose to at the right time focus on what is real for me in spiritual terms. Not some ego guru or YouTube monitizing special tone (of voice) talker. Not glitter. Not wishes or hope and tangents. But ME.
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